IS?

Is suicide painless, will it finally leave me at peace
Is suicide the best alternative to kill the terrible beast
the beast that lives inside of me that never ever sleeps
the demon that ruins my soul with every breath I keep

Maybe Judas did the right thing to take his final breath
how could he face himself when he betrayed his Lord to death
did Christ the compassionate forgive him in the end
after all Judas was his boy, one of His closest friends

Did Judas look inside and see a darkness that was deep
did he realize that he gave up a LOVE that he should have tried to keep
or was it that he just was born to live a life of wrong
did the beast inside steal his heart, then stole his voice and song

I welcome the silence and nothingness to put it all to end
to kill the demon who moved inside and tried to call me friend
now its said that God will not give us more than we can bear
so I end it all and bring to Him all of my despair

Did Judas see Christ face again just to give another kiss
this time one filled with joy, one of total bliss
sometimes the hurt that we inflict can never be reconciled
forgiven yes, but thats only because I'm God's child





I was thinking about Judas during the final hours and turmoil of the capture and crucifixion of Christ. Many of us think of Judas as the betrayer who is not worthy to live or to be forgiven. For some of us his suicide and probable descent into hell is appropriate for the action that he took against our Lord.

Nevertheless I stopped by today as the counsel for defense for our brother Judas. Before I present my case to you I would like to remind you of the compassion and truth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. It was He who requested of our Father who is the judge and God of us all to, "please forgive them father for they know not what they do!"

Christ knew everything about all of His disciples which clearly demonstrates the fact that our God knows everything about us His children. He knew their strengths and their weaknesses. The disciples of the inner circle were chosen and hand picked by our Lord. He knew their human limitations and their divine possibilities.

Yes, Judas betrayed Christ with a kiss and turned him over to those who wanted Him silenced. Judas had no idea of the fate and the events of the history of man which would take place with Christ's capture, crucifixion and resurrection. Even he was an unwitting pawn in the chain of events that would expire.

Some say that Judas had no faith and that all he was interested in was money. It could be said that he was controlled by greed and that personal gain was his weakness. Yes, Judas betrayed Christ but clearly did not know of the ramifications of his decision. Judas was now powerless to stop the process of false trial and execution of his friend Jesus. You see Judas was also deceived by the world and had no idea of the plan for the destruction of the author and finisher of our faith. I believe that Judas also had a measure of faith even if it was minute as compared to you and I.

Maybe the other disciples were a little stronger than their friend and comrade Judas. Maybe the other disciples had a little more faith than their brother Judas. After all they sat at the table with Jesus and argued of who amongst them was the greatest and most important of the inner circle. These few, the proud and the chosen ran and hid themselves from sight during the arrest, trial and crucifixion of our Lord. Cowardice and fear overpowered them. Shame and guilt broke their spirit. with heads hung low and hearts broken they turned their back on their master, teacher, and friend.

At that moment Judas was overpowered by guilt, shame, hurt, and remorse over what he had just done. He did not know that in the hours to come prophecy would be fulfilled and that the atoning, saving, merciful, and grace filled blood of the Christ would be offered on our behalf for our sins so that we could be reconciled to the Father.

The hour was late and darkness obscured the vision of Judas. He could not know of the victory that was just ahead. The burden of his actions took its toll and one bad decision after another led him to doom, darkness, and destruction. His brothers and friends fled the scene but Judas could not live with himself because of the reality and consequences of his betrayal. At that moment Judas realized that he betrayed LOVE for death. As far as Judas was concerned, suicide was the only alternative. The torment of his soul and being was just to much to bear. Why live when there was no life left?

So some of us sit on our great thrones of judgment and declare that Judas got what was coming to him. We condemn him to his weaknesses, faults, and failures. His sins had gotten the best of him so he deserved to die hanging on that tree. But Christ died so that we could be free. So I say to you BUT CHRIST!

If you would just open your spiritual eyes with me for one moment. If you would just leave your flesh and great human knowledge and righteousness for one moment. If you would just humble yourself for just one moment and allow yourself to be guided through the vision and love of our savior. I belive that this is what we could possibly see.

Jesus in the Spirit standing at that tree where Judas was hanging and now dead. Jesus is saying to Judas, "my son, my friend I forgive you. I love you and came so that you could live. My Father loved you so that he gave me up so that you could live and have everlasting life. If you would have just held on a little while longer your faith would have been restored and renewed. You would have been filled with the power of the Comforter and guided by the Holy Spirit. You would have come back to be reborn like your brothers who fled and abandoned me. You would have finally got it. You would have followed me and blessed others all of your days."

Good Soldiers of Jesus Christ, what are your weaknesses faults and failures? Do you carry shame, guilt, hurt and pain? Will you join me now and cast all your care and all your despair upon our Lord and Savior? His yoke is easy and His burden is light. Give it Jesus. Now is another chance for you to be restored and renewed. Its not to late. Lord I am sorry! Please forgive me! Lord we need you! Lord we thank you! I follow you where ever you take me! God you saved me and I thank you.