The Word

Read Hebrews 3: 13 and 2 Corinthians 5:17.

Have you and your spouse made any resolutions for your marriage as the new year begins?

Make a list of your spouse’s strengths and why you appreciate those qualities. Share your lists with each other.

Why do you think it is so much easier to focus on our spouse’s flaws instead of his/her strengths?

Read 2 Corinthians 5:17. As you begin this new year as a married couple—whether it is your first year together or your fiftieth, God has given you, in Christ, a chance to begin as a new creation, to put the old behind, and celebrate the new.

This kind of commitment is so serious and so overwhelming that it requires a set of marriage vows suitable to the occasion as well as the relationship itself.

Second, marriage is a covenant (Proverbs 2:16-17; Malachi 2:14-16). In the eyes of God, a marital covenant is a legally binding contract that is to be ratified or confirmed publicly before God Himself and His witnesses (i.e., the believing community). This is most appropriately celebrated in a divinely-ordained ceremony of marriage — marriage vows and all!

Biblically-based marriage vows not only express our divinely-ordained commitment to each other, but they also seal our marital covenant before God, binding us to Him, to each other, and to His people — for the rest of our lives!

No matter what your marriage vows sounded like when you first recited them (if you can even remember) or if you ignored them altogether, the following steps will help you restore God’s sacredness to your marriage. The thrill can be recaptured!

• If you can, pull out your “old” marriage vows (find the original ceremony in print, on audio tape, or video tape) and review them. Even better, recite them to each other again — in the presence of your children or your closest friends.

• When your anniversary rolls around each year, pull them out again. Go out for a nice dinner celebration and recite them to each other once again — before each other and God. When you get home, get on your knees and thank God for each other and that He has graciously sustained your marriage for another year.

• Finally, remember that your marriage, and especially your marriage vows, reflect the larger eternal story of God’s ultimate marriage celebration: “the marriage supper of the Lamb” (Revelation 19:5-10)! If you have trusted in Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior, He has committed Himself to you with the following vows:

“I, the Lord Jesus Christ,take you, (fill in your own name),

to be my wedded wife; and I do promise and covenant, before God and these witnesses, to be your loving and faithful Husband, in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow,in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live, which is forever and ever! Amen.”

hese rules have helped us to "fight right" in our marital arguments and come away from a conflict more in love with each other than we were going into it:

• Never hit below the belt (and learn where your spouse’s "belt" is)

• Pick the right time and place for your arguments

• Learn the fine art of compromise

• Never walk out on an argument, except by mutual agreement

• Kick the word D-I-V-O-R-C-E out of your marriage vocabulary

• End every argument with apologies, prayer, and a hug

Discussion:

1. Read Proverbs 15:1,2

2. What does the Bible have to say about arguing? Read: Psalm 37:8; Proverbs 17:27; Proverbs 21:23; Ecclesiastes 3:7

3. What "war crimes" are you guilty of in your marriage? Blaming? Sarcasm? Name-calling? Shutting down? Harsh language? Yelling? Threatening?

4. How can you disarm yourself of those weapons and begin building up your spouse and your marriage?

5. Is it always wrong to argue? Does "fighting" have any place in marriage? Read Ephesians 4:23-32. Try reading this passage in several different translations.

6. Have you consciously set rules in place to help you fight more productively? If not, discuss with your spouse what guidelines you each would like to see in your marital arguments.